OhStopYellingAtMe

Instructions unclear. Fan stuck in anus.

Are you really going to gatekeep Labor Day, op?

Territory theft is not a joke, Jim!

That wolf has a spare hand on his shoulder.

Me too! I use a helix garlic press because it’s easier to press and does a better job.

Like this one:

Also, if you don’t have one of these silicone garlic peeler tubes, get one! It makes peeling garlic super easy.

“Ravers, they come up to me with tears in their eyes and they’re crying and they’re saying ”thank you mister president for this yuge pill,” and everybody know it it the biggest most powerful pill. Bigger than Obama Hussein, bigger than lazy sleepy Joe’s pills. My pill-my pill, it might kill you if you eat it, it might make you see things that aren’t there or say things that aren’t true. My lovely beautiful sexually attractive daughter, she took this pill and she saw god. I asked if it was god with a big G god like we all know and love and she said no, it was Tezcatlipoca the great jag-u-ar god of the Mexicans. And they’re communists and criminals down there in Mexican. They don’t eat my pills. My pills they are made from pure gold that we got from Argentina. Where all the best gold comes from. And I hear all the time how great my pills are. They make you see Mexican god. They make you my beautiful daughter. Very attractive my daughter and a bit tooo old now to be dating. These pills will give you a four hour erection. Everyone gets one. An erection. Men. Women. Children. Horses. They all get the erection. Nobody’s left out. Not with my pill.”

They hate what they fear. Deep down they’re all cowards.

Well that’s just fuckin stupid.

Oh yeah? How much you wanna bet? ;-)

You don’t click buttons in the physical world. You press buttons. Clicking buttons is something you do on a screen.

Also, as others have mentioned, none of the buttons have genitalia.

A better sign should say:

—————
PLEASE DO NOT USE YOUR PENIS TO PRESS BUTTONS.

ELEVATOR MONITORED BY VIDEO RECORDING.
—————

I specifically say penis because I doubt any ladies are hitting the buttons with their ‘nethers. Unless they’re gymnasts, or have crazy prehensile labia. And if they do, more power to ’em.

It’s a PS1 game, but still. I loved this game. If I wasn’t playing Twisted Metal 2 then I was playing this.

Do you make obnoxious broad generalizations about every massively diverse country on earth, or just the USA?

Fuck off stonethrow

Why not both?

I think she spells it “Melania.”

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I had a job where I was supposed to arrive at 8:00am. According to maps & normal traffic patterns, it should take me 25-30 minutes to get there from home.

If I left home at 7:30 it would usually take me 35 minutes and I would invariably arrive at 8:05am. Late.

No problem, leave earlier, right?

If I left at 7:25am it would take me 40 minutes and I would arrive at 8:05am.

If I left at 7:15am it would somehow take me 50 minutes and I would arrive 8:05am.

If I left at 7:00am …you guessed it, it would take me 65 minutes and I would arrive 8:05am.

It’s like I was destined to be there at 8:05am.

Eventually I negotiated with my boss to be there at 8:30am instead. I stared leaving my house at 7:45am and I’d usually get there by 8:15am. Early!

It was just the way the traffic worked out in my commute.

My girlfriend (at the time) slapped my ass hard while I was bending over to pick up my underwear after we had sex. She missed… I guess she didn’t realize that when bending over, balls are exposed from behind.

Slapped me full force right on the berries. I let out a yelp, fell over, and had a wheezing/laughing fit. It was both hilarious and incredibly painful. She was laughing & apologizing/trying to help me up.

To be fair, I don’t think it specifically says human semen, and some animals can produce an awful lot in one load.