mildly infuhrerating? no need to congratulate me on the best joke ever written. i already know it

Good luck finding any dignity in any American offices these days

yes, i have several

edit: I’ll live with the hate and you will all have to live without my painful, cringe-worthy sex mistakes

edit: weeeelllll. just one. since you all insisted with your plethora of downvotes.

The first time I ever got laid…the first time someone very obviously wanted me to stick my dick into them…and by obvious I mean that she basically asked. That’s the level of engagement that I need. So, anyway, we head to her parents bed. I’m all nervous and shit since I really don’t really know what to do with my throbbing cock. I’d seen movies but I never had to perform in real life. So she was all like “come here and stick it in me you little bitch(this was 300 years ago so i might be paraphrasing” I’m just kidding. I can’t write a story that’s more than a few sentences.

Long story short: I bought a condom that was too small and it shot off my dick into her vergina and she never found it. I feel bad to this day

explosive diarrhea

i’m so happy for all the price gouging millionaires and billionaires

How can you say that? We might get $30 10 years from now

Worked in IT a long while ago and Windows updates were a waking nightmare. Good to see that they’re trying to compete with superior operating systems 10 years too late

nice cock